the name of the band, "score one for the fat kid" may seem somewhat misleading to those fans who have seen the fat kid in action (or documented in photos at the museum!). though dan, doug, mike and andy are all certainly goofy looking, none of these lads are particularly plump. its not like any of them look good in tight pants or anything (except dan, who also looks good in a the complete absence of pants), but they're certainly not tubby as a general rule. no, instead the name "score one for the fat kid" refers to a certain state of mind---a philisophical point of view, perhaps---the members of the band espouse.

have you seen that movie, "stand by me"? you know that scene with "lard ass". man-o-man that scene is great. as the ethical basis of christianity is reflected in the novel "jonathan livingston seagull", and that of buddhism in "franny and zooey", so is the foundation of the "score one for the fat kid" philosophy reflected in the tale of "lard ass".

its like this: people fuck with nerds, spazzes, fat kids and homos. sometimes those nerds and fat kids and spazzes and homos get sad about it, and sometimes they get so sad they hang themselves while wearing a raccoon suit, as did one young man in the american south who couldn't take the taunting of his co-workers at chic-fil-a. so a dude is gay and likes to have sex in a raccoon suit! who cares, man? you don't even wanna know what andy does during lovemaking!

and sometimes these nerds, spazzes, fat kids, homos and dorks, they get mad. so mad, in fact, that maybe they start shooting people, as evidenced by the infrequent, yet highly publicized, "school shootings" of the late twentieth century. well that kind of response is just plain retarded! its all so negative!

but who said revenge's gotta be negative! causing everyone who calls you "lard ass" to vomit uncontrollably for a brief spell is pretty clever, and also hilarious! people give retribution and anger a bad name, but really, it can be a reasonably safe and fun learning experience for everyone involved! and that's what the score one for the fat kid philosophy is all about: creative, non-lethal retribution. it can be as simple as a young homo giving the finger to a taunting bully, or as complicated as a young jewish man and his friends luring the local ku klux klan members into a darkened gymnasium full of black people and then making the racist kkk fuckers get haircuts!

so, if you're getting some shit from some people because you've got bad acne, take a minute and think things through. you don't have to hate yourself, and you don't need to go take a class in close quarters combat either. give 'em the finger, tell someone to "eat shit and die" in front of their grandmother or load their locker up with slugs! its all funny, and no one needs to get hurt!

take care of yourselves, everyone!